Have a think about it!
- Kay Moorby
- Oct 15, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Oct 16, 2024
Part six in the Ouch! series.
This week’s blog is a little different! There is a lot to think about so it might be one that you want to keep dipping into!
As part of the pain management session, we were given a handout listing the many unhelpful thinking habits we often develop. From a pain perspective, the aim is to avoid these negative thoughts and ward off the body’s fight and flight response. Whether we’re dealing with chronic pain or not, it can sometimes be helpful to do a mental audit of how our thinking is impacting our lives.
The info below shares my reflections on Carol Vivyan’s work about unhelpful thinking habits. The text in bold is taken from a handout by Carol Vivyan (see link below) and not my work. My responses are in italics. I attempted a table format, but it was far too tricky to read so I hope this all makes sense!
You may agree or disagree with Carol (or me), but hopefully, it will get you thinking about the way you think!
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Mental Filter
Description: When we notice only what the filter allows or wants us to notice, and we dismiss anything that doesn’t ‘fit’. Like looking through dark blinkers or ‘gloomy specs’, or only catching the negative stuff in our ‘kitchen strainers’ whilst anything more positive or realistic is dismissed.
Thinking Differently: Am I only noticing the bad stuff?
Am I filtering out the positives?
Am I wearing those ‘gloomy specs’?
What would be more realistic?
I think once we get in a negative mindset like this, it can be really hard to break out of it. There are strategies such as writing down three things we’re grateful for everyday or using sheer willpower to look for the positive, but ultimately, I don’t think we can do this in our own strength.
Have a look at Ephesians 4:21-24?
How is it applicable to living life with a negative mental filter?
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Prediction
Description: Believing we know what’s going to happen in the future.
Thinking Differently: Am I thinking that I can predict the future? How likely is it that that might happen?
The song ‘Because He Lives’ immediately came to mind for this one. We like to know what is going to happen next and often feel anxious when things are uncertain. This song reminds us that our future is held in the hands of God.
If this is an unhelpful thinking habit for you, then take a moment to pray and follow the link to listen to these reassuring words.
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Mind-Reading
Description: Assuming we know what others are thinking (usually about us).
Thinking Differently: Am I assuming I know what others are thinking?
What’s the evidence?
Those are my own thoughts, not theirs.
Is there another, more balanced way of looking at it?
I explored this in one of the earlier Ouch! blogs. I really don’t think people are thinking about us anywhere near as much as we think they are. And if they are thinking about us, it's usually with regards to what they think we are thinking about them!
What do you think? 😊
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Judgements
Description: Making evaluations or judgements about events, ourselves, others, or the world, rather than describing what we actually see and have evidence for.
Thinking Differently: I’m making an evaluation about the situation or person. It’s how I make sense of the world, but that doesn’t mean my judgements are always right or helpful.
Is there another perspective?
The question that stood out for me in this section was “Is there another perspective?” We can get so stuck in the assumptions we make about people and situations that we don’t take time to step back and look at the reality in front of us before deciding what to do or say next.
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Emotional Reasoning
Description: I feel bad so it must be bad!
I feel anxious, so I must be in danger.
Thinking Differently: Just because it feels bad, doesn’t mean it is bad. My feelings are just a reaction to my thoughts – and thoughts are just automatic brain reflexes.
I understand the point Carol Vivyan is making when she says that our feelings and “thoughts are just automatic brain reflexes”. However, as Christians, we know that God deeply cares about every single one of those automatic brain reflexes. Psalm 139:23-24 reminds us that we can take every anxious thought to God. He knows our hearts and knows what we need in that moment.
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Mountains and Molehills
Description: Exaggerating the risk of danger, or the negatives. Minimising the odds of how things are most likely to turn out, or minimising positives.
Thinking Differently: Am I exaggerating the bad stuff?
How would someone else see it?
What’s the bigger picture?
I feel like this is another unhelpful thinking habit where we need to find a strategy to stop and take a step back. If we’re not careful, then our thoughts take hold and, before we know it, our molehill is competing with Everest! As always, C.S. Lewis has something useful to say on this subject:
“We must learn to live on the heavenly side and look at things as God sees them, as Christ beholds them, overcomes sin, defies Satan, dissolves perplexities, lifts us above trials, separates us from the world and conquers fear and death.”
C.S. Lewis
Now, there’s some perspective!
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Compare and Despair
Description: Seeing only the good and positive aspects in others, and getting upset when comparing ourselves negatively against them.
Thinking Differently: Am I doing that ‘compare and despair’ thing? What would be a more balanced and helpful way of looking at it?
I knew straight away which quote was needed for this one…especially in our social media filled world.
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Steven Furtick
Nuff said! 😊
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Critical Self
Description: Putting ourselves down, self-criticism, blaming ourselves for events or situations that are not (totally) our responsibility.
Thinking Differently: There I go, that internal bully is at it again.
Would most people who really know me say that about me?
Is this something that I am totally responsible for?
If this unhelpful thinking habit is challenging for you then I would encourage you to take a moment to listen to Kirk Franklin’s ‘Imagine Me’. I’ve purposefully shared a version without any visuals so that you can close your eyes and focus on the words.
Click the link to listen.
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Should and Musts
Description: Thinking or saying ‘I should’ (or ‘shouldn’t) and ‘I must’ puts pressure on ourselves, and sets up unrealistic expectations.
Thinking Differently: Am I putting more pressure on myself, setting up expectations that are almost impossible? What would be more realistic?
I understand where the negative connotation of the ‘should and musts’ idea is coming from, but there are certain ways we are called to live as Christians. We aim to live out these Biblical expectations not from a ‘should’ or ‘must’ perspective but through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
Often, I find it challenging to know which things I am called to do as I serve God and that’s when I get swept up in the ‘should and musts’ of life. I find it helpful to hold these tasks or activities next to God’s word to see if they are right for me to take part in. There are lots of Bible verses that help us to set realistic expectations and Micah 6:8 is just one of them.
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Catastrophising
Description: Imagining and believing that the worst possible thing will happen.
Thinking Differently: Okay, thinking that the worst possible things will definitely happen isn’t really helpful now. What’s most likely to happen?
Although I agree with Carol Vivyan’s thoughts here, I recently read a different perspective which you might find useful. There’s a great book by Steve Furtick called ‘Chatterbox’ where he describes letting himself go down the ‘what if?’ rabbit hole. He sets a time limit on his catastrophising so that he can go to the places his negative brain wants to take him and then he submits those thoughts to the Lord. I think this is a great idea but proceed with caution as you don’t want to get stuck in the rabbit hole!
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Black and White Thinking
Description: Believing that something or someone can only be good or bad, right or wrong, rather than anything in-between or ‘shades of grey’.
Thinking Differently: Things aren’t either totally black or white – there are shades of grey.
Where is this on the spectrum?
If ever there was a time when nuance was needed in the world then it is now.
Where have you become entrenched in your thoughts?
Is it in your faith, the way you think church should be, or maybe in your political thinking?
Where are the places that God needs to soften your heart so you can see the perspectives of others?
Unhelpful Thinking Habit: Memories
Description: Current situations and events can trigger upsetting memories, leading us to believe that the danger is here and now, rather than in the past, causing us distress right now.
Thinking Differently: This is just a reminder of the past. That was then, and this is now. Even though this memory makes me feel upset, it’s not actually happening right now.
I feel like we’re ending with the most complex 'unhelpful thinking habit' of them all as it really depends on what the memory is. If a traumatic event has surfaced then I understand how, with professional help, this strategy could be helpful. However, as someone who is walking through grief, I find those upsetting memories are a way for me to process loss and start to heal. Regardless of the type of memories that are triggered, it reassures me to know that God remembers every single one of them.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8
I know this blog has been a little different, but I hope it’s prompted you to reflect on the unhelpful thinking habits that may need your attention.
I pray that these reflections are useful to you in your faith journey.
Kay Moorby
Comments